A friend of mine blogged about why she blogs. I have written about it before, too and so has she. But today it gave me pause and caused me to reflect upon it again.
Before I had a computer I regularly journaled. I just had to. I felt it essential to transcribe my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to be able to look back over my journey. I carried my little notebooks around with me and would sit with my coffee or under a tree and write and write. I wanted to journey towards openness. I wanted to heal at times and grow at others. I wanted to continue to journey closer to God. I often had to write in order to “see” my thoughts. Writing it down helped me to figure out what I was thinking. In the same vein, I would talk to friends in order to figure out what I was thinking or feeling. It was in the writing or conversing that I could figure it out and integrate what I was thinking into my personhood if that makes sense. As my Irish American relatives would say, we talk so we can think :-).
This year I journeyed into blogging and I am just loving it. It helps me to try to become the woman God wants me to become. With the health crises of the past year that became necessary to me. Beyond that, I needed to figure out how I am feeling or thinking throughout the week. I did not want to get bogged down into negative thought/behavior patterns. I also sought reinforcement and inspiration from others. I don’t mean that I want people to always say “gee you sure are great Kate”. Instead I knew that people would add their 2 cents worth. This would help me to learn whether or not my path is really where I want to be. Some of my days get so busy with my tasks that I do not stop to think about my thoughts, feelings, or direction.
Through my blog I am learning to be consistent and to be consistently accountable. Accountable to God, accountable to myself, accountable to my community and my friends or family. That is not to say that I had been selfish, self-absorbed or unkind before. Actually I had been pretty thoughtful all along. But I wanted to be even more interconnected. I wanted to be constantly aware of how what I said and did affected/impacted others. I wanted to be a blessing as often as possible in as many ways as possible. I wanted my goal to be “at every moment do what love requires”.
I wanted to be able to read back through my own blog posts and see a visible record of my own journey. I want to be able to see my own little electronic bread crumbs….in the old days perhaps i would have sent messages via various carrier pigeons or placed messages in bottles and tossed them in the sea. I blog because I wanted to be able to journey closer to God and become a lovelier person. I blog because I want to reach out to others…I want to build community.
I want my writing voice to gain depth, timbre, and eloquence. The more I blog the more accountable I feel. The more accountable I feel, the more disciplined I become in my life journey. I have always written….journals, training materials, and a published textbook. It is a thrill and a privilege to blog. The books I loved as a young girl always had a character that wanted to be a writer. (Jo March, Anne Shirley, and Betsy Ray all come to mind).
I love to add quotes and photographs to my blog. I love to see tangible things and I have always loved quotes that keep me focused and inspired. So forgive me if I am at times shall we say verbose. Sometimes I have to write a LOT of words to process and figure out what I am thinking. At some point, perhaps I will move to being more edited, organized, concise…but for now the words appear as they flow through me. Sometimes the words are zigzag patterns….I like to think of them as VanGogh vs Seurat. The words must burst forth. I hope that those who read my blog don’t mind.