How do you recover lost trust? – Topic #85

How do you recover lost trust?.In a person? In an idea? Bonus: If someone lets you down or betrays you, how do you learn to forgive? And can you possibly learn to trust them again? Why or why not?  Oh no! This is another ‘well that depends’ questions for me! There have been times in my life that I lost trust in a person. A loved one lied to me, and basically pulled the wool over my eyes. I later discovered the lie, and it collapsed the relationship for a very long time. [no it wasn’t my beloved husband].  It took me a very, very long time to trust the person again. I checked facts and situations for a very, very long time. I hated not trusting, but all I had to go on as far as trustworthiness goes is that there had been large stacks of lies in the past. By now the relationship is restored and trust is there. Could it survive another round of dishonesty? I pray that relationship is not put to that test.

Now, there have been other folks that I have lost trust in….friends that ended up treating me like dirt when I had gone over and above the call of duty for them. Friends that spread false rumors….Obviously these weren’t friends….Can I trust them again? I would have to say no. Once it is proven to me that the friendship I thought existed was actually  an illusion on my part [or could I have deluded myself] then I realize that the trust I had in the person had no reason to exist in the first place. I will correct that a little bit…the trust should be on a level of ‘oh that’s nice, he likes chicken and so do i.

As far as trust in an idea is concerned, now that is much more complex. For instance, I believed that elementary schools and junior highs (curriculum, teachers, parents, admin) would be a certain way, treat people a certain way, and react to situations a certain way, all based on my own experience with schools. In addition, I believed that rumormongering and bullying would not exist [or dealt with very harshly when it occurred]. I discovered all of that was not the case. It was quite a shock to my naive heart. I discovered that it was dealt with harshly if it was done by someone in the ‘outsiders’ group. Ostracization and punishment occurred. People refused to associate with the person. On the other hand, if the bullying was done by any of the ‘golden boys/golden girls’ or ‘elevated parents’ or even a teacher—that was another story altogether. Not only was the behaviour not punished, but the golden people continued to hold on to their elevated status.  My loss of trust in some of those people and institutions is at this point irreparable. Of course, as i gain perspective that could change. The loss of trust is truly mostly limited to the group I had experience with. The doubt and hesitancy to trust, on the other hand is extended to other groups. The blinders are off–and sometimes I do not like what I see.  That is one of the reasons I tutor and blog. To offer a boost to the non-goldens and a flashlight to light their way…..I know things will improve if we hold that darkness at bay….This little light of mine….I’m gonna let it shine…I am a perennial optimist.

85 3/30/11

About Kate Kresse

I love to write, I love to talk, I love to uplift people when I can. I am a woman in love with life. I am a wife, mom, tutor, writer, and I am a perennial optimist. (OK not every single minute but you get the point! :-)
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